“Don't be so silly as to exchange your new life for that other one.” (Saint Josemaría, “The Forge”, 286).
Sometimes, I get tired of being good.
It is a lot of work to try to be good. Pretty much everything in my life works against me as I try to overcome my own human weakness and stop myself from giving in to temptation… After all, I am a very weak person. I have no discipline or self-control! I wake up in the morning planning to be the most beautiful and perfect child of God. And within an hour I have sinned every possible sin and have fallen to every possible temptation…
And I have been reflecting on this today because it takes great self-control to remain steadfast in the face of such temptation and such repeated failure. After all, there are so many distractions from Heaven in this lifetime. Each time I think to myself that my focus should be on God Himself for an hour, I experience a whole raft of other temptations to shift my focus elsewhere. It is easier after all to watch television for an hour than to pray. It is easier after all to eat some snacks than to fast. It is easier after all to gossip with a friend than to offer penance. And it is easier after all to complain than to endure.
Saint Josemaría wrote at page 286 of “The Forge”, “I want to warn you against a difficulty that may arise: it is the temptation of weariness and discouragement. Isn't it still fresh in your memory what life – your old life – used to be like, with no aim to it, no purpose, no sparkle, and then, with God's light and your own dedication, a new direction was given to it and you were filled with joy? Don't be so silly as to exchange your new life for that other one.”
And it occurs to me that I spend a very large portion of my life deeply delving back into the old life that I used to have. I spend a very large component of my life falling into weariness.
“When I became aware of God’s great plans for me, I was frightened at their greatness and felt myself quite incapable of fulfilling them, and I began to avoid interior conversations with Him, filling up the time with vocal prayer. I did this out of humility, but I soon recognised it was not true humility, but rather a great temptation from the devil.” (Diary of Saint Faustina, Diary Entry 429).
And I have been thinking about that today. Because there is such a clear temptation to weariness which can get in the way of everything.
After all, God gave us the seventh day to rest – not because He needed rest (God is immortal, eternal and untiring) – but because He knew that I would need to rest.
And when I think about that today, I take heart, because my Lord and my God gives me time to rest because He knows that I need to.
For with prayer, I stand on Holy Ground where everything is clear. Here. At the Foot of the Cross.
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