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Writer's pictureSarah Raad

Thinking

There is safety in God’s Sacred Heart.  And I have spent some time resting there – thinking – on the difficult and problematic days…

Christ and the Sinner (Max Beckmann)

There was a problem that was troubling me lately.  It was a big problem and one that I had seen before in my lifetime, but I had thought that I had dealt with it and that it would never bother me again.  And yet – even despite a very long a relatively peaceful time – I was once again, very unexpectedly, confronted by a serious problem that had snuck back into my life.

 

Now, the first time I had seen this problem I went into a blind sort of panic.  I was terribly afraid and did not know how to proceed or where to go to improve my situation.  I felt that no matter what decision I made, it would be the wrong decision and I was desperately afraid of the implications of that decision on my family as a whole and on my children.

 

In the years that passed afterwards, I judged myself very harshly for the manner in which I responded to that past crisis.  I considered my reaction weak, and I also considered that the weakness of my reaction had caused the recovery from that problem to be much greater than it really should have been.

 

Now, this second time I was confronted with this problem, things were very different.  Firstly, I was less afraid.  I was less afraid of the problem itself as I had survived it once before and knew that I could survive it again.  But I was also less afraid of my own involvement in my own problem.  The panic was less and the thinking was more.  And the reason the thinking was more was because I knew deep in my soul that God allows only things that shall turn to the Good into my life.  Now, this is not to say that the problem I was encountering was a good thing – it certainly was not.  And this is not to say that I welcomed the problem into my life – because I certainly did not.  But it is to say that I understood in the quiet part of my mind that God had a place in this problem and that just as I had made a tangle of things, He would untangle them.

 

And though this did not make the problem any less big or the situation any more pleasant, this knowledge allowed me to think – and to think clearly.  And in this way, I was able to take some refuge in my Beloved.  And maybe that is exactly what I needed – a few days of hanging out with my Beloved in my thoughts – just Him and me. 

 

Mulling things over as I went about my day, and reflecting on the glory of God, and there was a warm comfort in this, even despite the problem.  Because there is safety in God’s Sacred Heart.  And I have spent some time resting there – thinking – on the difficult and problematic days…

 

For with prayer, I stand on Holy Ground where everything is clear. Here. At the Foot of the Cross.

 

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