I continue to commit the sins and God continues to suffer for them. And He does this ad infinitum for love of me.
Why do we suffer?
The other day I cried. Not because anything was terribly wrong, but just because a lot of tiny little things were a little bit wrong and it caused me to feel overwhelmed and to cry.
And while it was not the end of the world. And while it did not cause any huge problem or dilemma, those tears caused me to think.
You see, I have made it a point never to cry at work about work where anyone can see. Once, when I was a little girl, one of my teachers burst into tears because another teacher said something to offend her, and I remember thinking that it was terribly unfair to that other teacher to cry in front of the children because it made the other teacher look terribly wrong, and in fact the misunderstanding was perhaps not as serious as it appeared to a classroom of little children. In addition to this, I have very often worked in environments with lots of men. And I have never seen a man cry at work over a work-related issue. And because I have always had to keep up with he boys – so to speak – I have always tried to keep my cool at work.
But this is not to say that I have not cried at home. I do quite frequently cry at home – certainly not every day – but whenever I feel that something is very sad or overwhelming, I will shed a tear or two..
And I have been thinking about those tears today.
For Christ must surely have been overwhelmed on the Cross. There He was in agony, having not slept the night before – which is frankly in and of itself enough to drive me to tears. But not only that… He experienced terrible physical pain and terrible emotional pain and terrible spiritual pain. He experienced in His Holy Body and on His Perfect Soul the sins of all the world – past, present and future. Every time I swear, or take the Lord’s name in vain. Every white lie, every impure thought, every example of a lack of charity, and I prolong His time on the Cross.
I will not listen to Him – God’s instructions are clear – He gives them to me in black and white in the Ten Commandments. And instead of listening to Him – instead of obeying – I continue to make excuses about why I shall not follow His Will.
And today – as I reflect on the price of my disobedience – it seems that God has suffered too much on account of me. And the worst part is that I continue to commit the sins and He continues to suffer for them. And He does this ad infinitum for love of me.
And today I feel such horror for that suffering, that my tears are totally stopped. For what could I possibly suffer that would compare with a suffering such as that?
For with prayer, I stand on Holy Ground where everything is clear. Here. At the Foot of the Cross.
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