“Enkindle Your love in me and then walk with me along the next stretch of road before me.” (Saint Benedicta of the Cross).
I have been reflecting on the suffering involved in experiencing the unknown and the unpredictable.
When we – or a person who we know and love – becomes seriously sick, one of the most terrible parts of the suffering caused by such a diagnosis is the feeling of powerlessness and having to face the unknown.
That sudden – and often unexpected – realisation that all of our carefully laid plans will fall away to nothingness in the face of a new, and probably uncontrollable challenge, can be enough to overcome even the most stoic of souls.
And I have been reflecting on this. You see, a soul who is suffering in this way can only improve. It is one thing – after all – to consider our mortality in a theoretical way. I often think to myself, “One day when I am dying or close to death, I will change the way I do things.” But it is quite another to realise that every single breath that I draw today (and every day) is one breath close to eternity, and one step closer to my physical death in this lifetime so that I can have eternal life in the next lifetime.
When a person becomes seriously sick, suddenly, their thoughts become a lot less theoretical. They are no longer allowed the delusion of thinking about how their behaviour might change one day when they are close to death – instead they are faced with the reality of their impending death and the realisation that death is a mere breath away. And that changes something in a soul.
Many years ago, I attended the funeral of a woman called Anna, who had died at a young age of cancer. She left behind a husband and children and many friends and family who loved her. But she left this earth in a very determined manner. She spent the period of her illness preparing for eternity.
And what did that look like? Well, it looked like sacrifice and suffering. It looked like the time when she refused to take morphine for the pain. When questioned by the nurse as to why this was, because she was indeed in terrible pain, Anna had replied, I wish to offer the pain for your family. That is a confronting thing. A woman, already suffering and in pain, accepts – willingly – just a little more pain and suffering for the sake of the souls of people with whom she has little or no connection in this life.
I remember telling a friend this story afterwards, and she jokingly replied, “Well, it’s easy to offer things up when you are dying.”
And I thought about that, but I have to disagree. You see, I am dying right now. And so too, are you.
We are all of us dying from the moment of our conception. Because we were born into this life so that we could be reborn in the next life.
And so, I pray very often for the courage and the Grace to be able to make a sacrifice like Anna, for I am dying even today – in full physical health of my body…
And so, I pray the words of Saint Benedicta of the Cross, who was called Edith Stein, “O my God, fill my soul with holy joy, courage and strength to serve You. Enkindle Your love in me and then walk with me along the next stretch of road before me.”
And that is my prayer today…
For with prayer, I stand on Holy Ground where everything is clear. Here. At the Foot of the Cross.
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