“Could it not be that you are fainthearted, because your love is so small?” (Saint Josemaria, Furrow, 100).
Sometimes it seems like a very terrifying thing to stand up and speak the truth heroically.
My second son has a friend at school who is experiencing the horrible impact of bullying. As a result quiet a large group of the class gather together to torment this child. And it causes a significant amount of distress and heartache for all involved.
My son becomes distressed that his friend is being hurt – both physically and emotionally. And the friend himself is afraid of the bullies and tired of being picked on at school. And even the bullies – though they do not realise it now – are causing to themselves terrible terrible damage because they are creating habits of vices. They are building into their own lives the consistent habit of being mean and hurtful to others. They are deliberately choosing to be unempathetic and unsympathetic to others and as a result they are honing habits that are taking them further and further away from God.
When those children bully his friend my second son often stays quiet. And he does this because he is also afraid of the bullies and their retaliation. But this is a terrible thing. This is the harm caused by bullying. Because what it really means is that a bully is always in control of the situation because they are able to scare the other children – like my son – into submission. Now, if someone was threatening my child or my husband or a member of my family or my very best friend, I would make a point of defending them – no matter what the charge. And I would do this because of my very great love for them. I would do it without thought for my own safety – and even if I were afraid – because these people are so precious to me that I would risk anything for their safety – or at least I think I would (having never been tested, thank God).
And I have been thinking about that today as I have been thinking about my God. Saint Josemaria asks in “Furrow” at 100, “Could it not be that you are fainthearted, because your love is so small?”
And I have been wondering about that ever since I first read the words. You see God will always win. It is like a fairytale – Good conquers evil every single time. And yet – even knowing that, I do not side with my God, instead I side with every sinful alternative that I can find.
“Daring is not imprudence, or unreflective bravado, or simple pluck. Daring is fortitude, a cardinal virtue, a requirement of the soul’s life.” (Saint Josemaria, “Furrow”, 97).
And I have been thinking about that today… Because it seems that my daring is small because my love is too. And when I think of my Blessed Lord, that just does not seem good enough…
For with prayer, I stand on Holy Ground where everything is clear. Here. At the Foot of the Cross.
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