There is so much more that I could be if only I learned to try to stop the shouting sometimes…
Ever since I was a young child, I have had a loud voice. I have spoken loudly, whispered loudly and shouted – loudly. It is not that I am hard of hearing – I am not. It is perhaps just the nature of my method of communication.
As I have aged, I have managed to control my shouting when I am talking and whispering, but when I am angry, I find it very hard to control my shouting.
The other day I was frustrated and angry about a whole number of things and I found myself explaining my situation to someone else and as I was doing that I found the decibels of my voice going up and before I knew it I was shouting. Now, the problem with shouting is that once I get started with it, there is some sort of release of emotion and I find that a bit of shouting feeds more shouting and more shouting fuels more shouting again. And as a result of all that shouting, I end up getting the emotion out of my heart but out into the world. So, really all I am doing is transferring my frustration or anger or sadness from inside me to inside someone else.
And I have been thinking about that today. For Our Blessed Lord carried His Cross in silence. And He endured judgement of unjust men in silence. And He bled for my sins in silence. And He died for my sins in silence.
When Adam and Eve first sinned and forever disturbed the perfection of God’s plan for humanity, God did not shout. He spoke to them. Although their choices deprived Him of enjoying the perfection that He had created for love of us, He did hot shout or carry on about it. Although in that instant of sin their choice meant that God knew that He would suffer and die to atone for our sins, He did not shout about it.
Instead, He spoke to them quietly in the Garden, while His heart wept and bled in compassion for the misery that this would cause for all of us.
And I have been reflecting on that today. For it seems that God has suffered very much for love of us. And He has endured very many slights and insults from unworthy souls such as mine. And He has endured the terrible grief and frustration of all of this within His Infinite Person in silence – And in that silence He demonstrates an infinite patience and gentleness that I could never in my life imagine…
And when I compare that behaviour to mine – when I compare my Beloved’s quietness with my shouting – I hang my head in shame. For there is so much more that I could be if only I learned to try to stop the shouting sometimes…
For with prayer, I stand on Holy Ground where everything is clear. Here. At the Foot of the Cross.
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