There is really nothing that my God wants more than that I should be close to Him.
I have two teenage children and a pre-teenage child as well.
I am the first child in my family of origin to experience this phenomenon, though I have siblings who will very soon experience this very thing... And this experience of teenage children is very strange indeed.
You see, adolescent children are in fact, just children, yet at the same time they are creatures who are growing in independence. And what does that independence look like? Well, it really just looks like conflict. It looks like answering no, when I need them to say yes. It looks like trying things in their own way, when my tried and tested way is more efficient and effective and I know that I will be able to prove it more easily.
And I have been reflecting on that behaviour over the last few days as I have been reflecting on what this means in my relationship with God.
You see, I am a teenager to my God. Instead of coming close to Him and following His commands, I spend my time trying to do things differently and in my own way. Instead of letting go of myself so as to become one with Him, I spend my time trying to become separate from Him.
And just as my teenage children spend their time trying to be separate from me – struggling against the things that I advise them to do – so too do I do this to my God.
But the problem with all of this is that God knows what I need and what is best for me – in much the same way that I know what is best of my own children. And there is such a feeling of frustration when I see my children separating themselves from me and the direction that I would like them to go in. And this frustration does not mean that I do not wish them well. It does not mean that I wish to see them fail. In fact, if they are able to succeed – despite all the odds – then I am even more proud of their efforts.
But what is critical is that when they try things their own way, my children cause themselves more confusion and stress and problems. And yet – even so – I feel terrible sadness when my children are uncomfortable in their decisions, even when those decisions have come from terrible conflict with me.
And God is the same. He experiences terrible grief in knowing that His children – like me – defy Him just for the purpose of being separate from Him when all He ever wanted was to welcome me home in Him.
And as I imagine His infinite frustration with me for my disruption of His Holy Plan. After all, there is really nothing that my God wants more than that I should be close to Him. There is nothing that He wants more than that…
For with prayer, I stand on Holy Ground where everything is clear. Here. At the Foot of the Cross.
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