“I am not in the least afraid of living for a long time; I am ready to go on fighting.” (Saint Therese of Lisieux, “The Story of a Soul”).
When my children were born, they seemed so very cute. They were tiny little creatures and they depended on me for everything. I was responsible for feeding them, changing them, cleaning them, diagnosing their illnesses (or at least identifying that they had an illness).
I was responsible for comforting them when they were distressed and looking after them when they were not. I was responsible for teaching them. In fact, they depended on me for everything. Every choice they made in life was guided (or dictated) by me as their mother. I held not only their bodies, but their minds and their souls in my hands – so to speak – because the example that I set for them determined their approach to life.
Now, I felt the weight of that responsibility with my children. And it did not terrify me because I am a fairly dependable person. And this means that I was able to adjust and adapt and work around my children to make sure that I acted in a way that was in their best interests.
As my children grew older, they became a little less cute and a little more wearying. I was unable to dictate as much to them. They pushed back against my suggestions and ideas. Things that had previously happened naturally and without negotiation will only occur after they “buy-into” the proposal – whatever it may be.
And I have been reflecting on that today, because it seems that we are surrounded by choices.
Saint Therese of Lisieux wrote in her autobiography, “Story of a Soul” at page 122, “I realize as never before that the Lord is gentle and merciful; He did not send me this heavy cross until I could bear it. If He had sent it before, I am certain that it would have discouraged me . . . I desire nothing at all now except to love until I die of love. I am free, I am not afraid of anything, not even of what I used to dread most of all . . . a long illness which would make me a burden to the community. I am perfectly content to go on suffering in body and soul for years, if that would please God. I am not in the least afraid of living for a long time; I am ready to go on fighting.”
And I have been thinking about that too.
You see, if God had made my children fiercely independent from birth (or conception) I would not have been ready to negotiate with them now. But, luckily for me, He has not. Luckily for me, my God only sends me my burdens after He has ensured that I have the spiritual muscle to bear them.
And when I think about that today, I am ready to give thanks. For without that kindness of my God, I would never be able to go on!
For with prayer, I stand on Holy Ground where everything is clear. Here. At the Foot of the Cross.
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