I have much practise to get done before the day I die – if I am to be ready for my Beloved…
I have written before about the piano that I learned as a little girl. I have written about the demands of practise when learning to play a musical instrument. The main idea behind practise is that a person will constantly test themselves under a variety of conditions to enable them to become accustomed to the performance. In this way the performer becomes desensitised to the stresses of performance, and they are better able to produce a performance of note when they actually have their few moments alone (or in company) on a stage.
Now, I was never a truly great pianist. I have little natural talent and so instead of relying on talent and skill I was forced to rely on the determination to sit and play the same piece over and over again – line by line and often bar by bar. The practise could take place slowly and painstakingly and over a long period of time. And as a result of that determination I would be able to ignore some of the nerves and worries and distractions of the day of the performance and in doing so I would be able to produce a performance that would not be entirely laughable.
And I have been thinking about this practise. You see, the difference between a terrible and mediocre performance all comes down to practise. Where a pianist is able to rehearse and perform and practise, they are able to produce the best possible composition. And I have been thinking about that as it relates to my death.
Now – though I have no information about the hour of my death, and I have no cause to think that my death will be soon – I do know for SURE that I will die one day. This is the one certain think of this lifetime. And this means that I must be prepared to die.
Saint Faustina spoke to an elderly nun in her convent and asked her whether she was afraid of her impending death. The old nun replied that she was not afraid because she had been preparing for her death for the whole of her life… And that was her practise. And I have been thinking about how that might look in my case. You see, I too should be preparing for my death. And how can I do that?
Well, I can prepare – or practise – for my death in the same way that the Saints prepared. I can allow little parts of me to die – or to put it more precisely, I can allow myself to die to myself. And what I mean by this, is that I can surrender my will to God’s Holy Will. And I can do this with small things and little sacrifices. And I can do this with larger things and with bigger challenges – of health and finance and worries.
And it seems to me today that I have spent far longer preparing to play a three-minute piece on the piano than I have ever spent preparing for the moment of my death – the moment when I shall be asked to FINALLY chose my God…
And in that I am ashamed. For it seems I have much practise to get done before the day I die – if I am to be ready for my Beloved…
For with prayer, I stand on Holy Ground where everything is clear. Here. At the Foot of the Cross.
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