I pray for the repose of the soul of the woman who gave my husband to me…
My father in law died of a heart attack in Lebanon during the Lebanese civil war, almost forty years ago. Had he experienced that heart attack in Australia, where he could have access to an ambulance and adequate healthcare in a timely manner, it is likely that he would have survived that incident. Instead, after he began complaining of serious chest pain, his distraught wife and friends spent an entire day trying to transport him by car to the hospital. By the time they arrived it was simply too late. And as a result, when his five very young children finished school that day, they were asked to kiss their dead father’s cheek one last time before his body was interred for burial.
Because he had some time with his wife on the trip to the hospital before he lost consciousness, my late father in law was able to speak to his wife. Among the last words that he spoke on this earth was a request to his wife where he asked her to “Please look after the children.”
And my mother in law, Rougine, spent the rest of her earthly life looking after her children. She travelled overseas to visit them. She cooked for them and washed their clothes for them. She spoke to them on the phone daily.
When I was a young bride and after having visited her in Lebanon with my new husband – her son – when the time came to say goodbye, she bid us farewell at the door of the family home and bravely smiled at us for a moment before turning away so as to hide her tears from her son. I can still remember the look on her face as she bid us farewell. It was a look that spoke from one woman’s heart to another. She gave her son into my care that day. She held her tears in check for me – so that her son would be able to leave her alone in Lebanon and start his life with me in Australia (so far away)...
When Rougine became sick this very last time, she continued to care for her children. When her eldest son was visiting her in Lebanon and the initial symptoms of her disease were becoming evident, she refused to visit a doctor during his stay, and ended up in hospital by the time his flight arrived. She protected him from that.
When she became so sick that the doctors believed she would not survive the illness immediately following her diagnosis, she waited – unconscious – for her youngest son, my husband, to come to her to decide what to do.
And how he worried about that decision… Before he left, he asked me, “How will I know what to do?” And I said, “When the time comes, you will know.” And he did know – and she recovered (slowly and painfully) from that first episode…
When her youngest daughter was unable to visit her because she felt too afraid to go and face what needed to be faced, Rougine waited patiently and said nothing. And then – as she grew more frail and after waiting a year – Rougine called that daughter and said, “When are you coming to see me so that I can die?” And she enjoyed her last visit with her youngest daughter before she became very sick again that final time...
And she during her illness, she accepted the visits and advice of her second daughter and lived constantly with her eldest daughter. And she spoke to them and about them and with them.
And her eldest daughter did for her mother what none of the other children were able to do because she lived in Lebanon with her mother and she cared for her and lived with her and looked after her…
And when it was time to die, Rougine waited for my husband – her youngest son – to return home to her. And she waited with him during the three long weeks he stayed with her in that hospital room – rolling in and out of consciousness – and seeing him and speaking to him when she was not too weak to try and being with him. And she was patient with him. When it took him an entire week to touch her because she was so sick and frail, he was afraid to hurt her, she said nothing and waited – drifting in and out of consciousness. And she waited for him to be ready. And then she accepted his care of her – when he tried to feed her and help her and speak to her doctors for her. She accepted his voice from him and waited for him to find it for himself. She gave him the gift of Grace – for did not Christ say, “For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.” (Matthew 25:35-36).
And then – holding on – she let him leave her, so that by the time she left this world – only one day after he left her – he would be home with his family and would not have to make that long journey home carrying such grief...
And oh, how he worried that she would die all alone during that journey back...
And even in this, she looked after him. She waited. And in the morning when her eldest daughter arrived to visit her in the hospital, Rougine waited until her daughter held her hand, and then she breathed her last. And she died in the hands of the child who had stayed beside her and cared for her constantly during her long hard illness.
For her husband had asked of her with his dying words, “Please take care of the children.” And she made sure that she did just that before she finally went home to her father in Heaven – to be reunited with the husband who made a place for her in her Father’s house, almost forty years ago…
And today - on the day she died - I pray for the repose of the soul of the mother who gave my husband to me…
For with prayer, I stand on Holy Ground where everything is clear. Here. At the Foot of the Cross.
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