“He who has himself as guide has a fool as a disciple.” (Saint Bernard of Clairvaux).
God has such a unique approach to everything.
Over the years I have spoken to many people who have asked me about my journey and the story of my conversion. They listen intently as I explain my broken heart, they ask questions about how I was able to cope and the things I was able to do. They wonder what it was that I did – specifically – to achieve this OUTCOME, so to speak…
And as I speak with these people, I can sense their hunger and their yearning. I can sense their desire to grow closer to God. I can feel their wish for conversion themselves. They long for peace and their problems are such a distraction on their journey to salvation…
And one thing that seems to stay in my mind through this experience is just how individual the experience of conversion really is.
For me, it happened so suddenly and, in an instant, as though the thought itself was inserted into my mind by a power far more powerful than me. For me, the Holy Spirit just grew tired of my nonsense and finally just gave me the answer on a silver platter – delivered straight into my brain, and from there filtering through my heart and soul. And when I stop to think about it, all the events that led to that instant were perhaps the more important part of the experience itself. So, all those years before, when I had been thinking that God had neglected me and was not going to listen to what I was talking about, He was in fact, making specific and individual preparations for me so that I would be able to receive the information that He wanted me to hear…
And this is nothing new. When Christ performed His miracles, He never raised His hands over the crowd and healed everyone in one hit. Instead, each individual had their own individual miracle. Each individual had their own time and attention with God. And it occurs to me today, that it was the individuality that is the true miracle. God – who would be able to cure everyone in existence in an instant, spent time pulling people aside and performing miracles in such individual and specific ways…
“And they brought to Him a man who was deaf and had an impediment in his speech; and they besought Him to lay His hand upon him. And taking him aside from the multitude privately, He put his fingers into his ears, and He spat and touched his tongue; and looking up to heaven, He sighed, and said to him, ‘Ephphatha,’ that is, ‘Be opened.’ And his ears were opened, his tongue was released, and he spoke plainly.” (Mark 7:31-37).
Because, as Saint Bernard of Clairvaux wrote, “He who has himself as guide has a fool as a disciple.”
And today, it seems like I have a guide – an individual one – who is helping me in all that I do…
For with prayer, I stand on Holy Ground where everything is clear. Here. At the Foot of the Cross.
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