Hoops

The flexibility to please God allows me live my life freely…

Jesus Prays in Agony to His Heavenly Father in the Garden of Gethesemane (Elizabeth Wang)

I am a people pleaser.  It may seem at first that I am stubborn and pigheaded, but deep-down, I really experience terrible discomfort in the idea that other people will be displeased with me and what I am doing.

Now, I know that part of this is as a result of the way that I was raised – to be a “good” girl.  To follow the rules and do the right things.  I am not even upset about this.  I do not criticise my upbringing in this manner.  After all, it was just this sort of upbringing that has allowed me to live my life in a decent and honourable manner (for the most part).  Imagine what my life would have been if I never worried about doing the right thing or pleasing others (as well as myself).  Imagine all the trouble I would have got myself into if the only thing that mattered to me was that I pleased myself.

And yet, there is something very dangerous about always thinking of pleasing others and not thinking about pleasing yourself.  And the danger is the worry that you cause for yourself…  After all, when everything is focused on the reactions of others, you spend your life on a merry-go-round of emotions bouncing from highs to lows depending on other people’s moods.

And I have been thinking about that today.

In his book, “Unworried” at page 66, Dr Gregory Popcak wrote, “In the beginning, everyone's faith is extrinsic. As children and/or newcomers to the faith, we learn religious beliefs and practices from others. However, at some point (for most people, in adolescence), we each have to decide whether our faith is a series of hoops we will jump through to gain the approval of others - parents, our culture, or our social group - or a source of meaning, integration, transformation, and transcendence in our lives.”

And that resonated with me today.  You see, though I practiced my Faith all my life, I never really felt it until my conversion, which occurred through Grace and no merit of my own while my little niece was very sick and I was praying for her.  Prior to my conversion, I received the sacraments and attended Holy Mass.  I said prayers and spoke to God.  But there was no love inside my heart.  There was no peace inside my heart.

Now, when things happen in my day, I wonder to myself what message God is speaking into my ear that I am unable to comprehend.  When things go wrong at work I consider it a signal from God to do things differently.  When things are trying at home, I wonder what God wants from me and what direction He is sending me in.

And that – that flexibility to please God alone – which is so very different from all the hoop-jumping I have done in my life to please others, is such a refreshing change for me.  It allows me live my life differently.  It allows me to be free…

For with prayer, I stand on Holy Ground where everything is clear. Here. At the Foot of the Cross.