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Writer's pictureSarah Raad

Forgiveness

I am made whole in the Lord, Blessed be His Holy Name…



Apse Mosaic Hagia Sophia Virgin and Child

Man, I get tired of forgiving people.

 

When my children disappoint me, I get tired of hearing the sorry that never really results in anything different.  When my husband upsets me, I get tired of listening to him apologise and knowing that actually this was all a waste of time because if people just did the right thing from the beginning there would be nothing at all to forgive at all.

 

And I am sure, that other people get very tired of my asking them for forgiveness too.  I am very sure that when I make mistakes and do the wrong thing, the people around me are also tired of hearing me say that I am sorry and are very tired of listening to me asking for forgiveness…

 

And yet, despite all of this, there is a part of me that struggles to maintain the peace of mind that allows me to forgive others when they ask for forgiveness.  And I have been thinking about that today as I have been thinking about God Himself.

 

You see, when a person wrongs me, I – as a sinful and imperfect soul – deserve (in a way) to be wronged and offended.  But God – who I wrong a million times a day – is perfect and completely undeserving of any wrongdoing or offence.  And yet I wrong Him continuously throughout my life.  And ever single time I wrong Him, I go back to Him and ask Him to forgive me.  And I wonder how that must feel to God.  Today I have to consider what it must feel like to God to know that everything was perfect – absolutely perfect – that we were all supposed to be happy and safe, and life was supposed to be easy.  And there – in a moment of reckless pride and disobedience – I have destroyed everything! 

 

In a moment of wild abandon, I have caused the Creator of the world – the One Being who is without any blame – to suffer.  And His suffering is so great that it could consume the world if only He grew tired of the forgiveness which He provides.  But instead of growing tired of forgiveness, He beckons us to His mercy.

 

When Christ appeared again to the Apostles after they had abandoned Him (and His Mother) during His Passion and Death, He did not chastise them.  He loved them and He forgave them.  And surely He was tired of their fallibility and their weakness and their ingratitude at abandoning Him instead of standing witness to His suffering?  And surely He is tired of me doing the same.  And yet – He does not chastise.  He forgives.  He does not blame.  He makes atonement for my sins using His own perfect Flesh and Blood.

 

And I have been thinking about that today as I have been thinking about being tired.  For it seems that if I am made in the Image and Likeness of God, then I had better make a little more effort, Don’t you think?

 

For with prayer, I stand on Holy Ground where everything is clear. Here. At the Foot of the Cross.

 

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