God continued to move in the direction that He was moving in. And He did this because He is unchanging and eternal.
I know this is going to sound ridiculous, but I have spent a lot of my life fighting with God.
Now, I do not say this to imply in any way that God and I are equal opponents. We most certainly are NOT. I say this because I am like a little fly buzzing around an infinite giant and making all sorts of commotion – in little fly terms – and trying my hardest to bother that giant. And being a little fly, I forget that the giant could swat me in two seconds flat if he so wished to. And instead of acknowledging the power of the giant, I continue my buzzing – very indignant that the giant has not changed direction and continues to walk on unheeded by my buzzing…
And I have been thinking about this today.
When I was lonely and wanted to meet my partner, I did a lot of fighting with God. I complained about so many things. And all the while – while I buzzed around His head like a little fly, He continued to move in the direction that He was moving in. And He did this because He is unchanging and eternal.
When my little baby died without ever having been born, I did even more fighting with God. I complained because I wanted that child with me, and I could not bear the thought of continuing to live my life of that child could not live his. And all the while – while I buzzed around His head like a little fly, He continued to move in the direction that He was moving in. And He did this because He is unchanging and eternal.
And when I was lost of lonely or sick or uncomfortable, when I was angry with my husband or hurt by a sibling, or upset by a friend, I continued fighting with God. And all the while – while I buzzed around His head like a little fly, He continued to move in the direction that He was moving in. And He did this because He is unchanging and eternal.
And when I was younger and did not know Him so well as I know Him now (which is to say that I know Him not at all) that unchangeability was – for me – a sign of His lack of love for me. But the Holy Spirit has inspired me and I can see what that unchangeability actually is… It is LOVE – perfect and real love. And that is the LOVE of an eternal parent who endures countless tantrums to “raise” me in my spiritual journey so that I can know, love and serve God and be with Him forever in Heaven.
And that – right there – is the reason why it is okay to stop fighting with God. After all, EVERYTHING He has ever done He has done for me… And He has done it perfectly and for MY GOOD – all while tolerating the buzzing little fly that only deserves to be swatted…
For with prayer, I stand on Holy Ground where everything is clear. Here. At the Foot of the Cross.
コメント