Failure

It is not the failure that disappoints my Beloved, it is the lack of trying. 

Narrow Gate - Through Him (Unknown)

I tend to be a bit of a perfectionist and a high achiever.  I do not say this as a mark of pride, but rather as a flaw in my character.

You see, this perfectionism and achievement means that I am less humble than others.  And it also means that I am often afraid of failure, because I am rarely in a circumstance where I fail at things that I put my mind to…

And this fear of failure is perhaps the most dangerous thing for the human soul.

You see, when we fear to fail, we do not try.  And it is no coincidence that God repeatedly tells us in Sacred Scripture, not to be afraid…  Fear is the work of the Evil One.

You see, if we are afraid to fail we will not even try.  And if we can be discouraged from trying at all, then the Evil One wins.  There is simply nothing else to be done.  You see, God does not ask us to succeed.  Instead, all He is asking is that we take up our Cross and follow Him.  And by following Him we are able to start out journey on the path to Heaven and He will lead us there.  Nowhere does God tell us that we need to succeed in what we are doing.  In fact, by the example of the apostles, we can see – very clearly – that there are many many instances of failure among very great Saints…

Think only of Saint Simon Peter…  Saint Simon Peter was a terrible failure.  He was Christ’s right-hand-man.  He was the leader of the Apostles.  And after living with Christ as His BROTHER for YEARS and observing miracles like the raising of people from the dead and the Transfiguration itself, Saint Simon Peter still ran away and hid and denied Christ before He died.  And then – after the Resurrection – after reconciling with Christ – he again tried to run away from his impending death by the Romans, and had to be called back into Rome by a vision of Christ Himself…

And the real difference between the GREAT Saints and the GREAT Sinners, is not their failure – the Saints fail as dramatically as the sinners…  The real difference is that the Great Saints do not wallow in their failure – they expect it, knowing their flawed human nature – it is the Great Sinners who wallow in their failure.  That is the difference between Judas Iscariot, who hung himself after betraying Christ, and Saint Peter who wept and returned to Christ – running to the empty tomb.

And I have been thinking about that today.  Because it seems that I am afraid of all the wrong things.  It is not the failure that disappoints my Beloved, it is the lack of trying.  He knows I am going to fail as I know that I can do most hou8sehold tasks more efficiently than my children – who are still learning…  But just as I want them to try – to have a go, and to learn – so too does my Beloved want the same thing for me…

For with prayer, I stand on Holy Ground where everything is clear. Here. At the Foot of the Cross.