My Heavenly Father has chosen my Cross for me, and He has done this in order to redeem me, and instead of thanking Him for it, I reject it and ask Him for something a little bit different…
Gosh it is hard to live in the everyday. It is a terrible burden to accept all the sufferings and inconveniences of the everyday and to bear those with fortitude and without anger or judgement to God Himself.
I have found myself – at many times in my life – reflecting on the trial in front of me and thinking to myself, well, this is terrible, truly terrible and unbearable. If instead, God would grant me a different type of suffering or a different type of cross, then maybe I would be able to offer the sacrifice up like a good little Saint. But for this – whatever the current crisis is for me in that moment – well, for this, I could not bear to control my bad behaviour and spoiled and entitled reaction for even a moment…
And I have been reflecting on the terrible irony of that thinking…
You see, Christ lived for thirty years in obscurity. He endured normal everyday upsets and disappointments. He underwent normal everyday trials. He was a little Boy without any power or influence in the world. He was a Son. He was a Cousin and a Friend. He worked as a carpenter. He had angry customers, and unfair customers. Perhaps His teachers were unkind to Him at times? Perhaps the other children misunderstood Him and teased Him? Maybe He went to bed when His mother asked Him to, even though He did not wish to do so?
All those little things were so challenging for Him. All those little things were cumbersome. Then, there was His life on the road. The days and weeks and months He spent travelling from one place to another. He walked, carrying His possessions. He waited for the kindness of strangers. The flies were annoying. The dust was bad. The animals on the way were dangerous and frightening. The passersby were rude. And He walked on and walked on accepting all these little burdens.
And He accepted these hidden crosses without complaint. Never once in the Bible do we hear that Christ was complaining of the little things – His aching muscles, His throbbing Head. Instead, we see only examples of His service to others.
And I have been thinking about that today. You see, Christ experienced a billion little crucifixions in the time before His Passion and Death. A billion times He suffered and a billion times He offered up that suffering – and His offering was hidden. Never once did He ask for a different Cross. Never once did He say, well, I will not offer this one, but if you could please send me something different, then I am more than happy to offer that up graciously.
And when I compare His hidden suffering to mine, I can only hang my head in shame. For I have lost faith in my Heavenly Father, who has chosen my Cross for me. And He has done this in order to redeem me, and instead of thanking Him for it, I reject it and ask Him for something a little bit different…
Shame on me…
For with prayer, I stand on Holy Ground where everything is clear. Here. At the Foot of the Cross.
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