It seems a waste – a terrible waste – that there are some four thousand souls who might be able to eat if only I would hand over my seven loaves and seven fish to God…
One of the most significant things about me is that I do not like being embarrassed. Being quite a proud person, it is very important to me that I am not treated in a way that causes me to feel embarrassed. Embarrassment, while not fatal, is certainly something that I try to avoid at any cost.
And yet, I know that God loves a humble soul. In fact, the very first sin – that caused the fall of the angels, when Lucifer decided that his will was more important than the Will of God – was the sin of pride. And pride is the forerunner of embarrassment. And then the Original Human Sin, was a sin of disobedience and pride, because Eve was convinced that her will was more capable of choosing good than God’s Will.
And I have been thinking about that today. Because that embarrassment is still the sin that hold me back from meaningful connection to God because it holds me back from offering the very limited capacity that I have to His Holy Power…
“Jesus called his disciples to him and said, ‘How many loaves have you?’ They said, ‘Seven, and a few small fish.’ And commanding the crowd to sit down on the ground, he took the seven loaves and the fish, and having given thanks he broke them and gave them to the disciples, and the disciples gave them to the crowds. And they all ate and were satisfied; and they took up seven baskets full of the broken pieces left over.” (Matthew 15:29-37).
You see, though there were only seven loaves and seven fish, the disciples gave EVERYTHING that they had. They did not give the leftovers or the bits that they did not need or want. They gave EVERYTHING that they had and they gave it willingly and without thought for the cost or consequences! And because they gave everything – without being embarrassed about how little the offering was – four thousand people ate…
And I have been thinking about that today, because it occurs to me that if I never learn to give anything because I am afraid that my offering is so small and miserable it will be embarrassing, then I will never be able to do good for even ONE soul. And when I think about that today, it seems a waste – a terrible waste – that there are some four thousand souls who might be able to eat if only I would hand over my seven loaves and seven fish to God…
And when I think about that, and all the good that God could do if I just give him what I have so that He can use it for His purposes, it seems kind of ridiculous to hold things back from my Beloved just because I believe I may get embarrassed when my offering is so miserable and small. After all, God Himself created the universe out of nothing. He will know what to do with whatever I chose to give…
For with prayer, I stand on Holy Ground where everything is clear. Here. At the Foot of the Cross.
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