Because Christ knew that Judas would commit the sin of despair – He was able to say of Judas Iscariot that “it would be far better for that man if he had never been born.” (Matthew 26:24).
When I was a little school-girl I was taught that God could do anything EXCEPT forgive the sin of despair.
And I have always reflected on that since. You see, the sin of despair is the sin that is expressed as a rejection of HOPE in the infinite mercy and goodness of God.
And the REASON that such a sin cannot be forgiven is because God will not remove our free will. He will not overtake our choices and FORCE us to ask Him for help. And that means that when a soul is committing the sin of despair, that soul is making a CHOICE not to go to God for His mercy and forgiveness… And it is that CHOICE that prohibits God’s forgiveness…
I know a little of what despair feels like. It feels like the weight of distrust. When my little baby died before he was even born, my despair and grief was so great that I committed the most terrible sin – of despair against God. I believed that God hated me and was torturing me, by first giving me the unexpected blessing of a child that I had not asked for and then very unexpectedly taking that child away from me. I felt like the plaything of a God who was intent on profiting from my misery. And this sin of mine was the sin of Judas – this disbelief in the infinite mercy and love of God. In fact, this is the ONLY sin that cannot be forgiven, because while a soul despairs it chooses to REFUSE to ask for forgiveness because it believes that God is unmerciful and will not forgive them. And – because Christ knew that about Judas – He was able to say of Judas Iscariot that “it would be far better for that man if he had never been born.” (Matthew 26:24).
And yet – through prayers of those who loved me (and perhaps most importantly through the prayers of that little Saint who God gave me) God – who is in fact infinite mercy – came mercifully to me to place HOPE in my soul in an instant, when I was not expecting it...
And from that moment – through Grace and no merit of my own – I understood with a profoundness that could only have come from God Himself, that God is perfectly merciful and all the good that happens is from God and is Good and all the bad that happens is allowed by God and is turned to the Good. And that knowledge is as deeply ingrained in my soul as is the vision of my little Saint, who died before he was even born. I see that knowledge before me as I go through my day as plainly as I see your face before me. And that knowledge is as firmly real to me as any of the scientifically proven laws of nature…
And today – as I think about the blessing of that child for whom I grieved for so long – I think about blessings. For I was blessed to receive a little Saint to pray for me all the days of my Earthly life.
For with prayer, I stand on Holy Ground where everything is clear. Here. At the Foot of the Cross.
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