“Too late have I loved you, O Beauty so ancient, O Beauty so new.” (Saint Augustine).
I hate being late. Though it is not always possible to be early for things, I try my hardest to never be late for things.
When I am late for something I feel that it is a form of disrespect for the person who I am meeting or the job that I have in hand.
Perhaps this aversion to being late stems from the fact that as a young child we had to travel a very long way to go to school each morning. My mother was also responsible for a very large family of very young children, and – as was the custom in those days – my father did nothing at all to help with the children or house-care. And so, because my mother was often dealing with the newest baby and because the school was far away and because there was so much traffic, we were always worried about being late for school.
Though we were occasionally late for school, the occurrence was extremely rare. Nevertheless, I have grown up with an aversion to being late because I wish to be on-time and organised for school or work or anything else.
These days, I have the same aversion to being late for school because my children catch a school bus to school and this means that if they are late to arrive at the bus-stop, they will miss the bus altogether and I will have to find the time to rearrange my day and ensure that they can get to school on time. And to be honest – just the thought of that inconvenience while re-arranging my work-life and other commitments – drives me to new heights to efficiency to ensure that never happens…
The other day I was reflecting on this idea of being late. You see, while I have an obvious distaste for being late on this earth, it seems that I am less concerned with being late for God. Saint Augustine said, “Too late have I loved you, O Beauty so ancient, O Beauty so new.” And I have been reflecting on those words.
You see, part of the fear of being late is an understanding that there is only limited time to achieve whatever it is that I was put on this earth to achieve. And if I stop to reflect on that it is clear that the biggest fear should be around whether I have spent adequate time preparing for my Blessed Lord.
For the years and years and years prior to my conversion – which occurred through Grace and no merit of my own – I did not stop to think about how much time I had left on earth to give Glory to God… The Saints consistently accepted whatever time they had on earth – no matter the extent of the suffering – because they knew that God wished for them to love Him from afar first before they were granted Heaven…
And I have been reflecting on that today. For it seems I have been late my entire life. And now that makes me eager to make up for lost time…
For with prayer, I stand on Holy Ground where everything is clear. Here. At the Foot of the Cross.
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