Christ makes Himself vulnerable on purpose, just to allow miserable souls like mine to have the opportunity to potentially NOT betray Him.
Someone who I love and trusted hurt me very much by betraying my trust in them.
I do not believe that this was done maliciously, it was just thoughtless, but that thoughtlessness means that I experienced a very severe betrayal by a person who I had trusted so confidently that I had never ever thought that such a thing could occur.
When that happened, I experienced a very profound grief. I cried for days and could not see a way forward through this terrible grief.
And as I was reflecting on my own experience of betrayal, I suddenly understood perhaps a slither of Christ’s experience of betrayal at the hands of the apostles who deserted Him and Judas Iscariot, who betrayed Him for thirty pieces of silver.
You see, Christ loved those apostles – even Judas. Christ forgave those apostles (and would have forgiven Judas if Judas had only asked for forgiveness). And He did that ON THE CROSS – suffering and dying through their betrayal of Him.
And I have been reflecting on the miracle of that. You see, it is one thing to thin about betrayal hypothetically, and quite another to reflect on it in the centre of your heart. It is quite another thing to think about betrayal as the feeling in the pit of your stomach or the centre of your chest. It is quite another thing to think about what the other person must have been thinking when they made the decisions that they did. And it is quite another thing to wonder how you allowed yourself to become so vulnerable that you let someone come in and hurt you so terribly because you trusted them.
And I have been reflecting on that, because Christ – God Himself – does just that… Over and over and over again… Christ makes Himself vulnerable on purpose, just to allow miserable souls like mine to have the opportunity to potentially NOT betray Him. And over and over and over again I betray Him as Judas did. But I do not even do that for thirty pieces of silver. I do that for much less. I do that for laziness or a lack of self-discipline or greed or envy. I do that because I just do not care about Him…
So as I think about the hurt that was done to me that day, I think also about God. For God LOVES everyone and understands all, excuses all and forgives all…
And as a Christian, I must follow the advice of Saint Josemaría in “Friends of God” at page 162, when he said, “We Christians, children of God, must help others by honestly putting into practice what those hypocrites perversely muttered to the Master: ‘You make no distinction between man and man.’ That is to say, we must completely reject any kind of partiality (we are interested in the souls of all men!) although it is only natural that we turn first to the people whom for whatever reasons (even though at times they may appear to be only human reasons) God has placed at our side.
For with prayer, I stand on Holy Ground where everything is clear. Here. At the Foot of the Cross.
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