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Writer's pictureSarah Raad

Cold

Saint Josemaría prayed that souls would “raise the spiritual temperature”.

The Agony in the Garden of Gethsemane (EL Greco)

My children like to swim. In fact, swimming is their favourite thing to do in all the world. Because they like to swim very much, they tend to take ever opportunity to jump into the swimming pool, in our backyard. And this means that they are in it at the start of spring when the water is terribly cold, and also at the end of autumn when the water is terribly cold.


The interesting thing about swimming in very cold water is that it numbs the whole body. And this means that when they are swimming around during the very cold times of the year, they cannot feel any injuries that occur inside that water – at least, they cannot feel those injuries until later, when their bodies have warmed up a little…


And I have been reflecting on that numbness caused by the cold, because it reminds me of my own numbness to sin…


“He who has My commandments and keeps them, he it is who loves Me; and he who loves Me will be loved by My Father, and I will love him and manifest myself to him.’ Judas (not Iscariot) said to Him, "Lord, how is it that you will manifest yourself to us, and not to the world?" (John 14:21-26).

And I have been thinking about what that spiritual coldness means in my life. You see, prior to my conversion, which occurred through Grace and no merit of my own, I was like one of those cold children inside the cold pool water. I was almost immune to the pain of sin.


Obviously, I saw its effects in my life – a lack of inner peace and calmness, a restlessness, an insatiability that could never be cured. But those effects came later and they made me feel that they were not at all related to the actual cause of my numbness…


And today – with the gift of Faith that has caused my spiritual temperature to rise – it occurs to me that the wounds of those past mistakes can now be felt. In fact, the overriding thought that I had upon my conversion, was that I had wasted so much time in my life and that I had so much to atone for…


Saint Josemaría prayed that souls would “raise the spiritual temperature” so that they would sincerely feel the loss of God and not remain numb to their sin in their life.


And when I think about this today, it occurs to me that perhaps this Saint (and countless unnamed other Saints), have prayed for me throughout my entire life. How else could I so clearly explain the change in my spiritual temperature? How else could I explain that I can now feel enough spiritual warmth that I can understand that there is an impact in my sins?


For with prayer, I stand on Holy Ground where everything is clear. Here. At the Foot of the Cross.

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