“Thus sin renders the soul miserable, weak and torpid, inconstant in doing good, cowardly in resisting temptation, slothful in the observance of God's commandments.” (Venerable Louis of Grenada).
I often think – with terrible sadness – about the soul of Judas Iscariot.
After all, he was a disciple of the Christ Himself and even so, he chose a bit of money – silver pieces – over the love of his life.
He is a soul who was clearly confused. After all, how could a soul who was well-considered and of a sound mind actually choose a bit of metal over God Himself. And he was there – Judas – he witnessed the miracles and the journey. He watched Christ save others from death and even bring them back from the dead. He watched sins forgiven and the sick healed. And every healing of the body – and mind – was really just a spiritual healing after all. Because even those who Christ brought back from the dead would die again. So, the intention of the miracle was never to save the body from death – but rather to heal the soul so that it would be eternally saved…
And I have been thinking about that today.
Because it seemed terrible to judge Judas for his one-time betrayal, when I myself have betrayed my Beloved countless times…
You see, Judas would not have started off big. He would not have picked the first wrong thing to do to be something so terrible as to betray the life of his friend. That is unrealistic and silly – instead, he would have started with the small things. Some discontented complaining in his heart. Perhaps some envy when Christ favoured one of the other disciples? Perhaps Judas did not really like Saint John the Beloved disciple of Christ? Perhaps deep in his heart and soul, Judas was jealous of Saint John? And maybe he was a little greedy and lied just a little bit. Perhaps he took an extra piece of bread when they were sharing the meal and everyone was hungry? Perhaps he was a little more selfish and a little less charitable than the others? Perhaps there was a part of him that resented Christ’s goodness – being unable to achieve such goodness himself?
And perhaps he grew arrogant? Maybe he thought to himself that he had not been caught out before – why would anyone catch him now? Perhaps he knew that Christ was able to save Himself from anything, and thought that Christ would certainly save Himself in this instance and he would have a little more profit for himself as a result of this?
Whatever he thought or however he behaved, what is certain is that the sin started small…
Venerable Louis of Grenada, in “The Sinner’s Guide” wrote, at page 46, ‘Thus sin renders the soul miserable, weak and torpid, inconstant in doing good, cowardly in resisting temptation, slothful in the observance of God's commandments. It deprives her of true liberty and of that sovereignty which she should never resign; it makes her a slave to the world, the flesh, and the devil; it subjects her to a harder and more wretched servitude than that of the unhappy Israelites in Egypt or Babylon. Sin so dulls and stupefies the spiritual senses of man that he is deaf to God's voice and inspirations; blind to the dreadful calamities which threaten him; insensible to the sweet odour of virtue and the example of the saints; incapable of tasting how sweet the Lord is, or feeling the touch of His benign hand in the benefits which should be a constant incitement to his greater love.”
And that is why I think of Judas Iscariot. For there is little difference between us – except that he betrayed his Beloved less than me… And so I pray for the Grace of Humility. For if Judas had humbled himself to ask for forgiveness, he would be among the Saints today… And that humility is my only hope so that my Beloved will not say of me, that it were better that I had never been born…
For with prayer, I stand on Holy Ground where everything is clear. Here. At the Foot of the Cross.
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